Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!