Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -107

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +52

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Are you from Wales, because...well...

thumb_up thumb_down -46

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -116

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

thumb_up thumb_down -31

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -35

guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!