How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

thumb_up thumb_down

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!