How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

thumb_up thumb_down +37

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -79

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -97

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -129

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

thumb_up thumb_down -211

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!