Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

Put the lotion on the skin!

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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