If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

-hey, come here a minute.

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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