my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I'm desperate, you'll do.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!