Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!