What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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I'll punch ya!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!