How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

My therapist says I should meet new people.

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! *Woman slams man with baseball bat* Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

Boy : Gurle: hi

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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