- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: shatters Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book