Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

thumb_up thumb_down -67

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +16

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Boy : Gurle: hi

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!