Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -34

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!