so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

thumb_up thumb_down -7

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!