Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Drink this!

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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are you on fire?

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!