- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p** makes a happy c*

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

jack sanders

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

I may have never fcked a 10 before, but I did fck five 2's.

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book