Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +76

so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +32

At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -82

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!