- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!