- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

thumb_up thumb_down +50

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

thumb_up thumb_down +48

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

thumb_up thumb_down -10

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

thumb_up thumb_down -70

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

thumb_up thumb_down +65

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!