Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You look exactly like my sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +37

hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -69

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

thumb_up thumb_down +86

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

thumb_up thumb_down +50

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!