Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!