nice kid... want another?

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!