Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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You allergic to semen?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!