Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

Eat me, I'm organic!

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!