Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!