Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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