Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Want to go out? No

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Stop Footing Around

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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sound of zipper

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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I've got candy.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!