I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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sex me.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Male: Get in the van.

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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So when' the baby due?

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!