Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!