Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Want to go out? No

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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sound of zipper

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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I've got candy.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!