Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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You look exactly like my sister.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!