Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!