Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +121

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -9

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +200

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -122

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +53

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +54

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +107

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down -3

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +161

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!