Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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my dick is 2 inches

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Im gonna rape you..

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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sex me.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!