"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!