Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Give me some sugar... honey.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -107

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

"Hmm...you'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

thumb_up thumb_down +41

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

thumb_up thumb_down +161

hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

thumb_up thumb_down +28

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

thumb_up thumb_down -172

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

thumb_up thumb_down +172

hey Herpes Go Away!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!