I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!