What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!