Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!