Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +177

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +110

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +36

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +215

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -85

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -76

He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +221

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -50

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!