Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -24

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

thumb_up thumb_down -6

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +295

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -38

" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

thumb_up thumb_down +97

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!