nice kid... want another?

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!