*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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-I love you.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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-Do you like me? -No

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!