Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Golf.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!