From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!