Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -77

EVERYONE ELSE

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -44

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -47

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down

girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

thumb_up thumb_down -90

You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!