He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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rohypnol. rape drug

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!