Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -64

It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

thumb_up thumb_down -66

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

thumb_up thumb_down

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!