M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

why are you you touching me ????

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!