Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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greetings clarisse...

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!