Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Welcome to DIE!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Lesbihonest

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!