—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Lesbihonest

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!