Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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all in all it was a good orgy

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Penis. I got it

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!