Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Are your prices by the hour

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greetings clarisse...

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!