A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +155

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +135

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

thumb_up thumb_down +75

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -152

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

thumb_up thumb_down -106

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!