If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!